Okay. I am that girl in High School who left halfway through the year, and left you wondered what-ever happened to her. Did she get pregnant? Did she go to jail? What’s her story?
I’d like to share a bit of my story with you in the hopes that you, or someone you know, may relate those things that keep us stuck, there is life beyond depression, and hear I finally did to heal, recover and thrive.
In the beginning, my drive for love, community, a supportive and protective tribe began at a very young age. I also installed a very vivid goal for Dolly Parton success as the result of healing through traumas.
Skipping ahead from that 5-year-old girl to what happened in High School. I found love and protection after being raped my junior year. When that “first love” relationship ended (only months later), I got severely depressed. He was my first hopeful experience at a relationship after the recent abuse. I didn’t care about school or friends. I didn’t care about the business I started the year before, and quit. All I cared about was feeling loved, protected, and chosen by him again.
So what else would this stubborn and depressed girl do? I pulled a geographic out of state and left High School in a way that prevented me from enrolling in the next. Then, I became even more depressed, lonely and more isolated that I thought I could be.
Over the years, I search for experiences and tools for healing my trauma, including several self-destructive methods. In the middle of tearing myself apart I found the “self-help” section at the bookstore and read many books on spirituality and continued searching. I even tried joining other religions with no satisfaction. Relationship after relationship left me empty inside. I just didn’t get it. As an adult, I still had those very apparent unresolved issues lingering.
Little did I consciously understand, that for all those years in the past, my unconscious mind was actively working for me on that original decision/goal I set as an imaginative little girl; and I can remember that moment like it was yesterday. The unconscious mind loves to over-deliver, and that it does!
I eventually gained significant amount of healing, became a professional healer and did find love. Yet I hadn’t reached Dolly Parton status, so my unconscious mind wasn’t satisfied and the opportunity for more healing continued to arrive, that is until I found a set of tools that, for me, changed everything. These tools stopped that deeper cycle which baffled me for so many years.
Some words I mentioned while teaching a class recently got me a little curious for the visually of those High School years. Since I didn’t get a Senior Yearbook and have thrown the others away in my early 20’s, I looked them up online (thank goodness for the internet). I saw the shocking reminder of the years leading up to the breakup and that next level depression.
To fully tell this story I need to back it up about a year before my family moved to the town where I was going finish High School. I was out with a couple cousins and we met up with some of their guy friends and I thought one was cute and we started to fool around. All of a sudden I flipped out without having any good reason to. This significant emotional event left me completely shocked wondering what was wrong with me. I knew my reaction was not from church teachings and I had no idea where the inappropriate response came from.
I asked my unconsicous mind to show me what-ever it was that I couldn’t remember. I was not okay with not being okay and I needed to know – what-ever the consequences. A year of asking my unconscious mind to reveal the answers it did, and I was not prepared for those repressed memories. I experienced three nervous breakdowns in one weekend and lost a friendship do the amount the rage that exploded out of me.
Seeing those pictures from High School there is no denying that the heartbreak and depression from my first love heartbreat was actually the result of my unconscious mind bringing to light repressed memories and unresolved conflicts so that I can resolve them.
The learnings I received from seeing those pictures from the High School yearbooks is that beyond the depression there is also a brave bad-ass teenager whom grew up to be fearless in her personal growth. I have always know I would make it through anything and be Dolly Parton status worthy.
Today, I appreciate all the tools I’ve accumulated in my journey and still use. My favorite that gave me the power to release the need for traumatic experiences to be successful is Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP). Today, I know without a doubt, the level of success I will reach is solely from the work that I put into it, and I am worthy of having it all!
I also know, with every fiber of my being, that if I can make it through deep depression and trauma, be happy and thrive, that these tool can work for you or someone you know too!
Find out if these tools are right for you. Book your free consultation today.