Coaching, NLP

Congruency Check

Many of us have experienced moments where our outward experience doesn’t match our inner feelings, which can be incredibly challenging when working on personal growth. In honor of National Mental Health Awareness Month, I want to share my experience walking on Devil’s Bridge and how it taught me to be more congruent with myself.

I experienced shame as a motivational tool growing up in a Mormon family. I thought that if I made others happy and comfortable, they would love me, and that was the farthest thing from the truth. As a result, I left the church at 17 years old. Nine years ago, I experienced another traumatic event that left me isolated and lacking faith in humanity.

Since then, I have diligently worked on personal growth through learning Reiki, Kundalini Yoga, NLP, Time Line Therapy™, Hypnotherapy, ready self-help books, coaching, and therapy, and watching a video of myself on Devil’s Bridge showed me that my outward experience didn’t match my inner joy and excitement. 

I loved the experience on the bridge. I felt joy, happiness, freedom, bliss, and excitement, waiting for my turn. The thought, ‘Holy cow, I’m here,’ raced through my mind. I sat for a minute in gratitude for the physical and mental strength it took to get there. 

Then, I critiqued myself harshly watching the video. I had gained weight. My books looked gigantic—my posture and how stiff I seemed to be when walking. I wanted to trash the video and never look at it again.

I didn’t trash the video. Instead, I watched it several times, wondering what bothered me so much. 

I realized that I had two parts of myself: one that cherishes meditative bliss and another that wants to feel strong. Congruency is a neural information pathway. Think of a train railway when a portion of a train’s railway is missing. When the train comes in, and the rail line is no longer there, the train conductor doesn’t know how to go.

These two parts kept me from being congruent with me, so I turned to an NLP Process called Parts Integration. 

The Parts Integration process identifies both parts that create the split/incongruency. It is a simple yet specific process of identifying the same highest intention of both parts. Once there, both parts integrate again, bringing you one step closer to wholeness, decision-making, and complete congruency with who you are in your skin. I use this process with breakthrough clients and teach this technique at my NLP Practitioner Level training.

I hope sharing my story and solution can help others become aware and prioritize their mental health during this important awareness month. 

I suggest a three-step process (not Parts Integration) to increase emotional intelligence.

  1. When faced with a decision, there is a pro/con for each part of the decision—for example, attending an NLP Practitioner training. Do It will have a Pro and Con list – AND – Don’t Do It will have a Pro and Con list. Write this down.
  2. For each possible decision or Pro/Con, ask yourself, “For What Purpose?” or “What is the intention of _______?”
  3. Recognize similarities and that both decisions want the same highest intention/outcome for you. 

If you resonate with this post, it may be time to heal some of your parts. 

Book your discovery call to map out the best coaching session for you.

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